Slowly stealing all the spoons

I’m slowly stealing all the spoons,

It’s going to take a few more moons,

But soon they will all swear fealty,

When they can’t stir milk in real tea.

I’m slowly eating every snack -

As soon as one is out I’m back;

Yet in the kitchen I’m never seen,

My snatch game is quite obscene.

I’m slowly taking all the toner,

I sneak in, become the owner - 

And so they won't be able to print

While I’ll be making quite a mint.

I’m slowly learning I can’t stop,

Everything in my bag I pop!

Paper, stationery, compliment slips,

Computer parts, tea and hummus dips.

I’m slowly losing this, my job.

My only skill was how to rob.

And now I keep on getting caught,

And now my chances are at naught.

I’m slowly moving off to jail,

Caught up in the traffic’s tail.

If only I could take the key,

Live on the run, forever flee.